Unexpressed needs in intimate relationships invites the element of “neediness” to the relationship dynamic.
Men oftentimes have a hard time identifying what their needs are. For so long they’ve looked to the outside world for solutions and answers, that they’ve lost touch with the wisdom and connection to their own bodies and needs. Men with masculine emotional bodies have an even harder time getting in touch with what their needs are, not to mention then owning and expressing those needs with their intimate partners.
It is the fear of rejection, of not being met or of not being heard that has most men choose to shut down in this space. They fall into the shadow self to get their needs met. They fall into the shadow and succumb to porn, violence, shopping, overeating, numbing, etc as an outlet. Neediness has now started to make its appearance on the relationship stage. This dynamic and behavior is a repellent for conscious partners.
As a practice:
Commit to the ownership and expression of your needs for the next 30 days. This practice strengthens a muscle that is in some form of atrophy. Set aside whether or not your needs will be met by your partner. Simply commit to an honest and vulnerable expression of your needs. Feel into your needs regularly. Write them down; then meet with your partner. (You can be as casual or as structured in this exchange/practice) Close your eyes and ground yourself first. Feel into the need, and when you feel alive in your body, open your eyes. Connect with your partner here for a few moments through your eyes and breath. Make sure your breath is deep and that you feel grounded. Now speak your truth without any expectations of having this need met by her/him. Simply speak your truth without story and see what is birthed from that moment. Thank your partner for listening, seeing and hearing you.
Neediness is unconscious, self serving and vampiric in nature.
Owning and expressing our needs is conscious, empowering and potentially opens a door to deeper intimacy.